Transcription of Cell Phone Conversation

Bill: (excited) But that wasn't even the half of it. The next Thanksgiving they got three turkeys-

Sarah: (dismayed) Bill, I'm not really interested in this. Just tell me when you're coming over.

Bill: I've told you, hon. It's not that I don't want to But what am I gonna tell her? It's already ten thirty. It would look a little strange.

Sarah: I don't care if it looks strange. (a car horn beeps) Just come over tonight.

Bill: I don't thinks so...not tonight.

Sarah: (raspy and whispering) I need to see you.

Bill: I can't. I'm sorry. I wish I could. We have to be adults about this. We're not teenagers playing house. There are real consequences at stake so let's be responsible, shall we?

Sarah: What time should I expect you?(Connection breaking up) If you...sleep...when...panties...

(Call disconnected.)

(Ringing)

Bill: Hey, we got cut off.

Sarah: Are you sure you didn't hang up on me like last time?

Bill: I told you I had to hang up because she was coming into the den. What did you want me to do? Pretend I was talking with business associates?

Sarah: Yes. That's exactly what I wanted you to do.

Bill: I don't have any business associates, Sarah. You know this. I work at home and alone. That's why I'm able to see you so much during the day. She's gone, I'm here. And the kids are at school filling their little heads with bits of knowledge they'll forget in a couple years.

Sarah: Cynic.

Bill: It's the truth.

(pause)

Sarah: I put some more pictures of us on the internet.

Bill: (angry) Damnit, Sarah. I told you I don't want you to do that! It's dangerous.

Sarah: Don't worry about it. When does your wife ever look at nude photos? She never even goes online.

Bill: Not to my knowledge she doesn't but this is how people get caught. What if one of her friends from the PTA has some kinky fetish and spends hours a day online looking at naked people doing God knows what. Then they see me. That would not go over well. Take them down, take them down tonight.

Sarah: The guy in the car next to me is telling me to roll down my window.

Bill: Don't do it. He might be a lecher.

Sarah: (sound of car window being rolled down)Yes?...oh...okay...He just wants directions, hold on. (distant sounding)What you want to do is go down three blocks until you hit Elm. Then take a right. The road will split at...oh what's it called? I can't remember the name but there's a burger joint on the right hand side that has really good milkshakes. Anyway, the road will split and you veer left. Then take a right onto Wichita and you're there. Okay?...Sure. (to Bill) Sorry, he was lost.

Bill: (sternly) I'm serious. I want you to take those pictures of me down tonight. What if my kids see them?

Sarah: You're kids aren't even old enough to use the internet.

Bill: But they will be someday. Maybe five, ten years from now. And the way Troy gazes at the pictures in Vogue I can tell he's gonna be upstairs with his door locked all the time. I don't want him to accidentally come across a picture of his father doing something inappropriate with the woman who scrapes microbes off his teeth.

Sarah: I'm a dental hygienist. I do a whole lot more than scrape microbes. I do moldings too.

Bill: Whatever. Take them down.

Sarah: No.

Bill: I can't believe this. How did I ever end up...hold on...she's knocking. (distant sounding) Yes, dear? No, I'm reading out loud to myself...That's right...well I'm getting some good material down so, oh I don't know. Another hour maybe...okay...goodnight.

Sarah: Bill?

Bill: What?

Sarah: When are you coming over?

Bill: Cut that out will you. I already told you. Not tonight.

Sarah: You're a writer, make something up. You're impetuous. Tell her you suddenly got a craving for fried chicken. She won't want any so she won't ask to come. We don't have to sleep together I just want you to hold me.

Bill: No. No. I can't. I won't do it. I'll see you on Thursday.

Sarah: Tell her one of your friends got arrested.

Bill: That's ludicrous!

Sarah: I'll remember this the next time you have a cavity.

(click)