An Invention to Alter the Direction of Mankind

You know what America is missing? Another product to be sold at the register aisles in the grocery stores. We don't have enough of these products. At the moment there are roughly 40 different types of chocolate bars, 15 non-chocolate related gummy or taffy-like candies, some miscellaneous mouth rotting sticks and pods, and maybe 50 types of gum. I'm sorry, but 50 types of gum is just not enough.

The problem with the current state of chewiness is that every gum on the market is solid. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not prejudice against solid gum, I just think it's time the food engineers came up with a revolutionary gum that will change the way you chew gum. LIQUID GUM!

Imagine it. It tastes like gum. You can blow bubbles like gum. You can crack it like gum. If you're mischievous you can put it in your sister's hair like gum. Maybe it will even come in cool, refreshing flavors that claim to whiten your teeth like gum. But it's liquid.

Now I know in the eighties there was a gum that came with liquid in the center. These gums were usually fruit flavored or flavored like some Coca Cola product. But the liquid center was not really gum. Not in the traditional sense. It was more of a corn syrup prize awaiting eager masticators.

Liquid gum will come in all sorts of amazing flavors to. Raspberry. Lemonade. Coffee. Tea tree oil. Pork chop. Cilantro. Fennel. Water. And curry. It will be dispensed from gumball machines into little wax cups. Sold at grocery stores in 64 ounce bottles. But it is not recommended for children under 5 or children who cannot chew liquid responsibly. Children should not be allowed to swallow liquid gum.

Remember in high school or college, going into a lecture hall, folding out the desk leaf so you could have something to write on, and then being disgusted at the number of ABC (already been chewed) gum stuck to the bottom of the desk? Liquid gum would effectively eliminate these revolting artifacts of past gumming.

Think about it. If you're interested in helping develop this product don't hesitate to send me your life savings.