Recipe for Mediocre Chicken Salad

To promote my own narcissism (what other purpose does a blog serve?) here's what I just ate: BBQ chicken salad.

It really wasn't a phenomenal chicken salad. But just in case anybody out there has a hankering for a mediocre chicken salad (I hear this is a common issue that behavioral psychologists are currently dealing with) here is the recipe.

1. find a dead chicken.
2. make sure it's dead by dropping it from a very high elevation.
3. remove one of the breasts.
4. heat a skillet with some olive oil.
5. cut up the chicken and cook it thoroughly.
6. place chicken in a bowl with the following ingredients:
1/2/ cup diced red onion
3 tablespoons relish
2 tablespoons pickled peppers
1 tablespoon mustard
2 tablespoon mayonnaise
4 tablespoons BBQ sauce
salt and pepper to taste
7. mix with vigor until your elbow tingles.
8. take a smoke break. If you don't smoke grab a Q-tip and pretend you do.
9. toast bread.
10. put chicken salad on bread.
11. eat it up.
12. leave the dishes for your roommate to clean up.

Bon apetit!